The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
