Betty ford says i'm here all night
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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