yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
