I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
