There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
