We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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