she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
