Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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