wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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