Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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