i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
