perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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