Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
