i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
