Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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