i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
