Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
