Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
