If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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