You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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