Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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