Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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