How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
