Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
