I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
