about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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