Can Purell be used as lube?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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