Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
