why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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