halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
