So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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