everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
