You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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