I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
