So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
