I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
