Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
