i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
