ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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