you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
