If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize