Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
