it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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