my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
