Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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