Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
