Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
