if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
