All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
