You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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