so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
