i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
