where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If I die, sorry about rent.
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